I’ve been ill recently. In fact, I’ve been quite ill for quite a long time but over the last two or three months it has gotten a little worse and a little harder to deal with. It leaves me feeling tired and lethargic and makes it a struggle sometimes to do daily tasks.
The symptoms come and go. Some days are really bad and I can do nothing else but function on a basic level. Most days are OK; not great, but good enough that I can do what I need to do and sometimes a little bit more.
Treatments are actually pretty hit and miss unfortunately. I had things under control for quite a while but recently they aren’t working as well. I’ve had to adjust the dosages of a medication for another issue and it has interacted with my main medication. So I’ll have to get the doctor to look into it for me and hopefully we’ll be back on track. But what they have found is that what works for one patient doesn’t work for another so it could be trial and error for a while.
Work has been difficult for me over the last few months. Thankfully I work from home a lot so I can work when I am well enough to and take time when I’m not. I know that my boss and other people I work with wish I could be more productive and work more hours than I do, but I do my best. I’m not sure they understand, but it can be hard to when you haven’t had to deal directly with an illness.
Like with my wife Natalie, who has Type 1 diabetes. I see what she goes through in order to live her life as normally as possible but there is no way that I could understand what it is like to have to live every day knowing that you have to keep control of your insulin levels in order to survive. In the same way, others who haven’t had what I’ve got must struggle to understand what it is like to be in my position. I do the best to tell them but I don’t think they understand. I don’t think they can.
Me dressed up to go out for coffee or something. I don't look very sick, do I?
I’m hopeful that with the right treatment my symptoms will become manageable and that I’ll start to feel better again. I can never be cured and I accept that, but I hope that I can live as close to a normal life as possible. It takes time and it isn’t easy but it is something that I want to do.
There are downsides to the treatments that I need to continue on. Some of them are too personal to discuss for even me, but others include lethargy (which is funny because that’s one of the symptoms to treat), changes in appetite, weight gain, sleeping issues and headaches. But I will deal with all that just so that I can start to feel a bit healthier again and be able to go on with life in a much better place.
I try not to make excuses for myself. I suck it up and get on with things as best I can. Sometimes, I do fail to get everything done or done on time. It is something I really hate because I am big on following through with commitments. I just do the best I can and feel bad most of the time for what I don’t do. This doesn’t help me feel any better.
One day I’ll be well enough to do all the things I used to do. For now, I just make the best of the situation and hopefully I’ll feel better soon.
So what is this illness? It isn’t cancer or diabetes or heart disease. It isn’t blood pressure or a broken bone or even something you can see.
It’s mental illness.
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Perfect.
Oh boy do I know that feeling. I have been there and I have felt the absolute incapacitated result of having a mental illness.
In my journey however, I have found that a lot of the time mental illness has as much of a physical cause as much as any physical illness. The problem is that most doctors treat mental illness as a psycological problem, and if that doesnt fix it, they put you on drugs which dont actually address the root biochemical imbalance (but dont get me wrong, short term use of these drugs can be lifesaving and I do not want to imply that there is shame using them – because there isnt).
…For example, Seratonin (the main brain chemical responsible for making you happy, rational etc) is what a lot of people with depression dont have enough of. In the brain, seratonin is made from the amino acid Tryptophan (and a lot of people who dont have enough seratonin also dont get enough tryptophan – in their diets, or being malabsorbed). Most doctors instead of giving the patient's body more tryptophan (and other essential nutrients to help their body convert tryptophan to seratonin), give them drugs which aim to utilise more effectively (or "stretch out") the little seratonin the patient does have. Which seems more logical to do? ..
…Anyway, I know this is a bit beyond a lot of people, but the point that I'm trying to make is that mental illness has a physical cause, you just need to find the right doctor who will find and address that cause for you. I am starting to work and socialise again as my mental illness is clearing up because I have been rectifying the physical cause of my mental illness. And even though I had to use drugs as a "crutch" at the start while the biochemical imbalances were being rectified, I am now on no drugs and feeling really good and things are still continuing to improve. I just hope that saying all this will help other people look outside what their conventional doctors and psyciatrists are offering them.
For more detailed info, I can recommend a book which describes a lot of what my doc has done with me called "depression free, naturally" by Joan matthews larson. Or my doc is at http://www.drmikewoodbridge.com .
Stephania
@stephania
Oh these are horrible things you're saying to someone who's genuinely suffering. Research shows that there IS NO CURE for most mental illnesses, there is no getting over it, and anyone who thinks they're feeling better and improving without a psychiatrist's help is fooling themselves. I'm sorry and I don't mean to offend, but you're just wrong here and telling Nick to go on a fool's errand looking for what doesn't exist, for what goes against well established logic and research and that's just going to hurt him. The more people with a mental illness, and I am one of them, go through this cycle the worse it gets permanently.
You should delete these damaging posts, the information in them is misleading at best and hurtful at worst.
I second what Corinne said, but also want to add:
Stephania,
Your experiences are not everyone's experiences. While it is great you have been able to get off your meds and have a happy life, it is not the same for all of us.
Nick,
hope things get better soon for both you and Natalie
Wow, Stephania, do you really think that unqualified "medical advice" is what Nick was looking for in a response here?
I think your posts (did this really need three posts?) are indicative of the kind of stigma people attach to mental illness, and how it's treated very differently by people in general (even people who have experienced it themselves)
If Nick had talked about how he'd broken his leg, and was finding it a bit difficult at the moment to keep up his regular routine while it was healing – would your natural response be to call his medical care into question, implying that he's just treating it wrong?
I think not. I think you'd assume that, being an intelligent and capable person, he'd have this well in hand. You'd also have an innate understanding that while it was healing, things would be difficult. You might hope for a complete recovery, but depending on the nature of the injury, you might also expect that there'd be lingering or lifelong effects. None of these facts would be sufficient reason to assume Nick wasn't seeking the right treatment or needed your unqualified medical advice.
Nick, it sounds like what you're going through really sucks. I commend your courage in coming forward and speaking about your illness.. especially when it exposes you to stigma and idiocy like you're already copping on this post.
Your experience is not universal Stephania, and pretty rude, frankly. And I say this as someone whose depression and anxiety was indeed rooted in physical causes (B12 deficiency mainly). I'm pretty sure most people with mental illness have googled "causes of [depression/whatever]" at some stage and have figured things out for themselves.
The stigma is a bit of a vicious cycle and it really hurts when people just don't get it. I hope you're feeling better sooner rather than later, Nick.
I deeply apologise to anyone who has been offended. I am sorry for sharing my positive experiences. There was absolutely no intent to do harm.
Please understand that the information that I have put was actually the information of my doctor (who has had over 20 years experience with mental illness), and not just some sketchy research I did on the internet on my own. I never will and have never suggested that anyone do anything of the sort without the guidance of a doctor. I was merely presenting information to discuss with your doctor. I just want to make that clear (because some were implying this).
Again my apologies to offending people. I had absolutely no idea that sharing my experience would recieve such a negative response.
Please forgive me, and I wish everyone all the best
So sorry that you are going through this Nick, it sounds as if it is really difficult and debilitating for you. I truly hope that you find relief soon.
Wishing you all the best.
Stephania,
I don’t think anyone begrudged you sharing your experience, I think the problem is that you couched it in terms suggesting that every mental illness is rooted in physical illness and therefore your experience is the same for everyone.
While I respect that this is your experience and may be your doctor’s opinion, I do not think this view is widely accepted, even in the medical community, and is hurtful to people who are genuinely struggling to find answers.
Certainly it could be argued that all mental illness is rooted in physical problems – it is after all about chemical imbalances, right? I just don’t believe that it is as simple for everyone as a ‘physical cause’. Are you saying that my abusive childhood and negative experiences in my formative years did not contribute at all to developing depression? I highly doubt that.
In any event, no-one is saying that your experience is not valid or that you shouldn’t share it. I just think that it’s important to remember that not everyone’s experience is the same – nor is their body or mind.
[...] ← I’ve been sick recently [...]
Thank you for writing this.
I find it hard to disclose my similar issue even when not using my real name. The last few weeks I faked illness because I couldn't deal with going to work or socialising. I wish I had the courage to say the truth like you have.