In March 2011 I wrote a guest piece for DISCOURSE. I discussed how I was bullied as a child. It had a big effect on my life and there are still times where this bullying causes me to react in strange ways. One example is, even after being together for more than seven years, if Natalie puts a hand up towards me quickly I will flinch and cower, waiting to be hit. Even if the movement isn’t even the slightest bit like a punch. It’s just a split second, but long enough to be noticed.
It is these scars that have turned me into who I am. I am not particularly comfortable with asserting myself, and particularly with men. I am sensitive to personal comments and criticism, and my first reaction to any corrective action is to think that it is an attack and try to defend myself. I sit down and imagine how situations are likely to unfold, thinking about the worst things that could happen even if they aren’t likely or even plausible. There’s more but that would require quite a bit more self-analysis that I’m prepared to undertake in one sitting, I’m afraid.
Childhood bullying is something that is on the radar these days and instead of just letting it happen, there are strategies to try and identify the situations and deal with them. Yet bullying isn’t confined to just kids.
by annavanna (CC BY-NC 2.0)
I was talking to a friend a few days ago who reminded me about the impact that bullying has, even on adults. It brought me back to my old post from last year and meditate over how much bullying really does have a long term effect on the person who is bullied. In my case, me. It made me realise that even once you’re a bit older and a bit wiser, there are still bullies waiting for you. It’s harder to identify them sometimes than it was in the playground, but they are there waiting for their next target.
As a person who was bullied, I ask just a few simple things. If you see bullying, step in if safe to do so. If not, tell someone about it. If you know a bully, call them out on their action. If you are standing by as they act without intervening if safe to do so, or you don’t tell someone, then I believe this makes you just as bad. It doesn’t matter if it is in a workplace, in the street, in a bar, at home, with friends, with family, with your partner. By all means, don’t put yourself in danger. But if you can do something, please do.
No one deserves to be bullied. No one.
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I am relieved to find this! I am a 50 yr old woman. I was bullied as a child for a couple of months and I ended up scratching huge sores in my scalp from the stress if it all. My parents took to me to a doctor who had me wear gloves while I slept to not do further damage. I have been in touch with this childhood friend (bully) over the years and thought it was out of my memory. I honestly liked seeing her over the years and thought there was no ill will! Several of us childhood friends got together a couple of years ago and were talking about old times, prank calls etc.. I am not perfect! I made prank call, played jokes on people and definitely realize I wasn’t perfect. In the middle of this great gathering, I BLURTED out ,to my childhood bully, “remember what you did to me!” I didN’t feel like I said it angry illy but I’ m not sure.. She said, no, she didn’t remember.. I told ,in front of everyone, “Well, I scratched sores in my head, went to a doctor for help ect..” I HAVE NO IDEA why I said this!!! We were all laughing, having a great time! She said ” well, we all did things we aren’t proud of! We all said TRUE and went on with our visit. I hugged her goodbye and thought we were OK. WE ARE NOT!! This has now turned into a nightmare that has caused me a lot of pain.. I immediately started obsessing about what I said. I panicked when her twin sister deleted me the next day on Facebook. I called a couple of the friends that were there when I said it and expressed how bad I felt about bringing it up. I sent an invitation to the friend( bully) to an event , hoping to apologize in person- NO RESPONSE! Another childhood friend of ours tried to get us all together about a year later, and I just found out I was uninvited and everyone else, including the bully, met and cut me out! The organizer lied and said it was cancelled. I feel like its happening all over again!! I am very hurt, angry and don’t know what to do. I have a lot of stress anyway and actually was diagnosed with shingles on my brain, which has been no fun! I am told I must get rid of the stress in my life.. I am starting to feel paranoid, sad, insecure and like that little girl in the fifth grade. I have been researching long term effects of bullying and realize that it has definitely probably affected my life in many ways! I can’t believe I am re-living it as an adult.. I trully believe I am being shunned by friends that I Love and they are taking sides. Most of us all live far apart and we don’t physically see each other often but I do cherish these friendships. Facebook has made it worse I think. I see posts and probably freak out over little things that wouldn’t normally bother me. I did try on her big 50 to wish her Happy B-day and comment on the beautiful pic of her and her daughter. I hoped she would respond and she “liked” all of the other posts and skipped mine.. I deleted it. It hurt.. Oh ,and she is an elementary teacher.. Thanks for giving me a place to vent. I would love feed back but please be gentle..haha